blog
The Blur That was LV and LA
My friend, Soowhan, had some time off from his residency in Boston and came back to Portland. Originally, we had international plans but instead went with the west coast low-budget trifecta between Portland, Las Vegas and Los Angeles.
I’ve known this guy since 7th grade. He’s still an asshole.
Like the last NYC trip, it was come home straight from graveyard shift, speed-packing, and pile onto the plane. I forgot to pack a belt, so being the resourceful scavenger I am, I used black hosiery as a sash. Better than a rope?
It’s actually some fancy TV display that you look into. But I like to think of it as a laser cannon.
Steampunk.
Matt and Andy were my gracious hosts during my time in LA. A month earlier the two drove up from LA to Spokane to deliver a table that Andy designed. It was great having these guys stay at my place during the westcoast venture that I was happy to see them again so soon in LA.
Andy’s woodshop in the loft.
Andy’s Dragon table delivered to Spokane. It has these dome-shaped bumps underneath the table that gives it a wondrous, childlike spontaneity (imagine finding odd shapes and textures underneath the table between bites during dinner) and many legs as if the table were going to get up and runaway. I love this guy. He has the heart of a child.
From his website:
This is me sitting on my 80 Leg table. I know the table looks great and I look better than normal. That is because of the styling wizardry of Sybile Kohn who picked out everything from my glasses to shoes and Cheryl Calo, former Miss Connecticut, who did her magic to my frizzy straws like the hairdresser in Jens Lekman’s song “Shirin.”
Riiska Design from Sights & Sounds on Vimeo.
My birthday twin always remind me of Rivers.
Their loft is always fun to stay at. Here is what you would you see on your right in the shower.
Sliding bathroom doors
Andy’s room upstairs.
Dodgeball
Soowhan’s friend, Howard, invited us yesterday to play with his dodgeball team, “Let the Wookie Win.”
Everyone was encouraged to wear their team characters. Somewhere around lurked a death star.
It was an impromptu game but luckily I brought my workout gear. Although the bright blue tank wouldn’t help me in being a less visible target.
I was told I was very “artful” when dodging 3+ firing rapid succession speedballs hurtling towards me.
Blue Lagoon – Iceland
Something about the volcanic rocks against the gray, soft billowy clouds - makes a good contrast.
Japan Earthquake/Tsunami Relief at Union Square, NY
Started yesterday 3/17, going through the weekend from what I heard. They brought their best game piece: cute kids. The Japanese, masterminds of everything cute. Please help.
On the back of the flag I got, there is a list of websites that they recommend to visit:
1. Japan NGO Earthquake Relief and Recovery Fund
www.jcie.org/earthquake
2. Japan Society Relief Fund
www.japansociety.org/earthquake
3. Save the Children
www.savethechildren.org
It was the “I’m a Little Teapot” song.
Go forth, little warrior.
Arigatou, warrior-chan.
My janky Totoro needs help too.
Stay still, be still. No wonder you are always lost
She says I’m like mushi (insect), attracted to light in the dark. Maybe I am just a bug with a one-track mind.
After Hours First Thursday Event – Compound Gallery
I totally forgot to take pictures most of the time since I’m not use to these sort of functions.
But, I managed to borrow some over from the Compound thanks to Risa.
- After Hours
- Somewhere on this wall lies the nerdiest spectacle picture of me (not pictured btw)
- Arian’s alien
- Curator Matt and Katsu
Sam Brosnan describing his work
- some girl
- here she is again
Pictures courtesy of Compound Gallery. See more here
Kim brought peonies for me! 
- Jordy demonstrating her platypus powers while Zach appreciates the small things in life.
CAUGHT!
- we found this in his shirt.
Sue checking it out
Shawna, Eliot and sister Thuy-Linh (that is her full name, please)
Sisters
- Brian
Kyoto-Osaka-ZAnPon W07
The Happiest
Time has been kind to me,
anticipating for something great.
Tonight I will eat
many delicious things
in good company.
Sorry it went cold, I’m a silly girl with a camera
that likes the simple things
in the ordinary
and not-so-ordinary.
But the last train will leave soon
before the night can finish.
but between here and there is better than either here or there.
i’m flattered
of how you took care of me
the entire night in the cold, coughing
happily forced medicine, stubborn me
and opening your wallet too many times
while i talked equally too much
in my broken japanese.
i couldn’t look at you straight in the eye
saw a lot of feet
but shared admiration
made me forget
and through my camera I can look
and capture
everything in front of me.
gamecenter shibuya, lovehotel kabukicho 1/14/08
gamecenter shibuya, lovehotel kabukicho
getting nanpa’d
Nanpa tends to occur on busy streets and other lively public places. Young men stand at the edge of the street and watch passing women. When a woman strikes a man’s fancy, he typically invites her to a cafe or karaoke bar. The evening may finish with a visit to a love hotel, or at least the promise for a second rendezvous. Although it is rare in practice, nanpa is socially acceptable in Japan, and tolerated as a natural youthful indiscretion.
They stand in front of yakiniku joints, because I guess girls like good, thinly sliced meat. Other times it’s just girls idling around in front of the place they want to go to, hoping a guy is willing to open his wallet for them. Sometimes they just cut right to the chase and ask a girl (last time me), “Labu hoteru iku?” which is “you wanna go to a love hotel?” Best way to avoid this is to speak in english, and your hands off, most of the time.
Masago Haircut TYO F/W 07
Masago Haircut
I met Ben in the (2nd) hostel I stayed and convinced him that he needed a haircut. Along with a new pair of Japan limited edition converse shoes.
2007, 2008
2007 2008
Happy New Years!
New Years I will:
1. stay up this year
2. dance in a dress (caved in and bought)
3. drunken, not-so-drunken cab call?
4. make it to the airport by 5 am next morning for japan
5. get a goodnight’s sleep in seat 41A
New Camera – 12/9/07
This is the attempt to move past content from a previous site to my new, current site. Please note that these are pre-dated entries and are labeled as such in the title. 
Tokyo W07-2
merry-go MAJI dou yo sore wa ore no serifu
WASSA cardiac arrest kore hossa
Maite maite otenami haiken hai tsugi
’cause I be spicin’, this track with flows that’s
YABAIZE tokusou saizen…sen
how you like me now?
Asakusa, Tokyo W07
akemashite omedetou, asakusa p.1
hungry cute kid series
creepy dog series
tied fortune awaits
could be good, very good, regular or bad
if you don’t like your (bad) fortune, tying it back would disperse it
mine… eh
cleanse your hands before you enter
akemashite omedetou, asakusa pt.2
|
Osaka W07
To Osaka
Time has been kind to me,
anticipating for something great.
Tonight I will eat
many delicious things
in good company.
ŽÊ^‚ðŽB‚è‚È‚ª‚玄‚Ì‚Æ‚ñ‚©‚‚ðì‚Á‚Ä‚à‚ç‚Á‚Ä‚ ‚肪‚Æ‚¤‚ËB
Sorry it went cold, I’m a silly girl with a camera
that likes the simple things
in the ordinary
and not-so-ordinary.
But the last train will leave soon
before the night can finish.
but between here and there is better than either here or there.
i’m flattered
of how you took care of me
the entire night in the cold, coughing
happily forced medicine, stubborn me
and opening your wallet too many times
while i talked equally too much
in my broken japanese.
i couldn’t look at you straight in the eye
saw a lot of feet
but shared admiration
made me forget
and through my camera I can look
and capture
everything in front of me.
San Francisco 12/18/07
David Choe 9/21/07
David Choe
Copied and pasted from my mixi:
Wieden Kennedyでグラフィティーショーです。その後私たち5人で晩御飯を食べに行って色々なことを喋ります。デーブの性格はマジで面白い！なんだろう…ここには言えないｗ
近いうちに記録映画があるからもし記録映画のトレーラーを見たければこのリンクを見に行って～
↓
http://youtube.com/watch?v=18Y9dbB7MaY
David Choe is one of the most diverse and prolific artists working today. He is one of the youngest artists to ever have solo show at the MOCA. An internationally reknown graffiti artist and cultural icon, he has had his art shown on every surface from canvases to human bodies to third world ,war torn walls, it can be found in every facet of society, from fancy galleries, museums, t-shirts, shoes, movies, billboards, cars, murals, buildings, from New York City to the Congo, Africa to everywhere in between. He’s traveled, train hopped and hitchhiked all over the world many times over spreading his art. Hefs been homeless, he still sells art out of his parents’ garage and his beat up mini van david choe art can be found here www.davidchoe.com.
We went to a David Choe and Saber graffiti art show at the Rotture last Wednesday. Things are sometimes best described in pictures, of course in this case, so expect heavy loading. >_<
David Choe and Saber
It was packed… but it felt like a lot of people were there because they knew it was gonna be the cool thing to do. We overheard these guys talking behind us somewhere midway the show, “Hey dude. Do you want to go to Aura now? I got our shirts in the trunk.”
Angry big toe
signature
Monica, Dave, and some girl
Went to the warehouse next to Rotture for a more private tag session.
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So Dave carries around ninja stars that he got somewhere from his travels. Ninja stars I was throwing at the walls.
It was a long night, but to cut things short, when Kevin went back to his car to drop off his gift for Dave, he found that his car was broken into from the trunk and his mp3 player and my backpack (along with my purse and laptop inside) was jacked. Kevin started making phone calls, to friends, cops, etc…
When Dave heard about this, he came by to me and asked, “Hey I heard what happened and it sounds like you’ve been having a bad day… does this sort of thing happen to you a lot?…
shakes head
“Look, we get premiums for doing these events and I got $200 just to spend and do whatever. I want you to have it.”
“No, no… I can’t take this.”
“I was gonna spend it on strippers anyways…don’t worry.”
Still resisting.
Dave hands it to my friend Monica and asks her to give it me.
She jumps over and stasheÄ it in my belt bag.
A couple text messages later, Kevin texted, “Thank you portland police. Found him” They tracked him down crossing the Morrison bridge. It was the same guy that asked Dave for bus fare money at the gas station right before Kevin called Dave about the break-in. I feel so lucky… how often do you get your stuff stolen and returned?
The funny thing is that I thought lost $200 earlier that day… but then it showed up again when dad found it dropped on the side of the car. And my backpack/laptop/purse came back to me again. And now I have Dave’s $200 stripper money. Dave had another show the next day at Weiden Kennedy. I wanted to go and watch, and to return the money. I’ll write more tomorrow, I’m gonna sleep for a bit now… I think I caught cold. 
David Choe 2 – 9/24/07
David Choe pt. 2 – at Wieden Kennedy
Wieden Kennedy is one of the largest-independently owned advertising agencies in the world. Founded in Portland, they’re best known for their advert campaigns for Nike (i.e. they came up the tagline “Just Do It”). With offices in Shanghai, Tokyo, New York, London, Amsterdam, it’s one of those things that at one point I was asking about internship for W+K. In 2003, their Tokyo office created W+K Tokyolab, a record label/creative workshop. HIFANA is signed with them (and had a show in Portland 1.5 years ago). I hope HIFANA will come back soon…
Anyways, sorry for the tangent on tangent… David and Saber at Wieden+Kennedy
‹x‰ï
Done. And success, they both got a deal with W+K.
The bird nest lounge on top. The couches up there are shaped as white, riverbed rocks.
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This was the last drawing he made in my sketchbook. And will be the last ever, even though there are 20 pages left in there… Dave Choe hocked a loogie in my sketchbook and I had to watch it get smeared all over while he was shading.
This is the guy, that to find colors during solitary confinement in Japan, he saved morning urine (when it has the deepest color) so he could add yellow to his drawings. As a health person, I wouldn’t like to go near that book. But the art-side of me knew better, he would do that sorta thing so I’m not surprised.
I asked him to use my favorite pen that creates fine, clean lines (mitsubishi UMR-1 if curious). He agreed and at the first stroke, “Woah, it’s just like a pencil. This is really nice!”
“Yea, take it. I have a lot more at home and knew you would like it.”
“Really? Thanks! I was gonna steal it you know.”< smiles>
“Yea, I know.”
2ŽžŠÔ‚µ‚©Q‚ăwƒAƒJƒbƒg‚ª•K—v
I haven’t slept at all… I look homely…
‚è‚ñ‚²•Ô‚µ‚Ä…
After the show we hung out in the Nike room at Wieden Kennedy. Dave talked about his trips to the Congo, hiking in Arctic Circle and how his friends wussed out.
“Why, what’s waiting for you at home? Your girlfriend is there today and she’ll be there tomorrow. < mock friends> ‘But David, people die on these trips!’ Then let’s just do it and die later, might as well die now anyways.”
David, being in-your-face, either a lot of people like him or hate him. He is full-on ADD and never know what’s going on with that guy, but being homeless, hitchhiking, jumping trains and traveling the world spreading his art – is intriguing because a part of me wanted to do that, and did.
Somewhere along the drawing/conversation/hacking loogies Dave decided to add Kevin and my phone numbers to his cell before he forgets. I don’t know if it was another ADD moment or he’s planning to hit us up next time he’s in town, but he treated Kevin and I to dinner at Montage. He wouldn’t let us pay, or let me pay back even (“Don’t worry, we’re rich!”) but at least I got him and Saber Moonstruck chocolates to show my appreciation, because it was a weird past 2 days, and tomorrow is pirate festival day. We’re gonna be pirates! Yay, more pictures…
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Stepping outside is the hardest thing. On cold days I’m wrapped (or confined) in my protective blanket shell, sometimes two. On sunny days, with the gurgling birds scratching atop the roof of the house or the neighborhood kids jumping and screaming on their trampoline, I’m not able to sleep, but remain sprawled across the couch with a leg dangling on the side, probably caked between several throw pillows. Every now and then, I’d get phone calls from close friends and somewhere in the conversation they’d blurt out, “Let me guess, you’re in bed?” or ask me what I’m doing right now with the happy/funny anticipation of being right when I predictably answer, “I’m in bed.” Soowhan is notorious for this. This is probably one of his happy places.
During my three-month stay in Hawaii (jealously thought of as paradise on the mainland) Kathy (hi Kathy!!), my favorite friend I met there, would call/message me online. “Oh, sorry I missed your call. What are you up to now?” I answer. And she laughs.
I can’t think of the right word to describe it in English, but in Viet it would be mat cong, or even closer, in Japanese mendokusai. It’s not completely lazy, but perhaps lacking real motivation. Or there is motivation, but not high enough to conjure up the energy to take the first step. Is it because I don’t want anything?
Graduation was a tough one too. I didn’t want to go. mendokusai. But since other people were behind me, waiting to walk alongside me or witness happily in the crowds, I rolled out of bed and got dressed.
However, on the other side, addicts move in life through hasty decisions based on purely selfish motives without hesitation. I’m back in downtown LA for a week and everyday includes nappy crackheads staggering around skid row (the destitute are of downtown LA filled with homeless, an informal number between 7,000 to 8,000). During my stay here, I’m led to believe that most everyone in LA does crack and/or have image problems.
Which brings the question… what drives us? What brings desire? What makes us want something – or someone – that sometimes, we may even know beforehand that our choices would lead to an unwanted outcome? During school, we were taught that dopamine was the chemical responsible for pleasure, released upon activation of the reward center in the brain to give us that feel-good state. What makes it even more curious, dopamine is also released during states of fear and stress. People with bi-polar disorders, when in their manic stage, have high levels of dopamine that illicit their impressions of grandeur. Back when research was relatively new, scientists thought that dopamine brought on feelings of satisfaction.
In one study conducted at University of Michigan by Kent Berridge, PhD et al, they tested this theory in two groups of normal and dopamine-depleted rats. When the rats were fed with their favorite foods, they made a facial expression that can be likened to a “grin.” The hypothesis was that the dopamine-depleted rats would not be able to enjoy the tasty treats that their normal brothers could. The dopamine-depleted group, with their dopamine pathways blocked, did not show any desire in seeking for food to the point that they would starve if an intervention did not occur. However, much to their surprise, when they did intervene and hand-fed the dopamine-depleted rats, the rats smiled just like their normal brothers, enjoying their meal. Dopamine is not exclusively pleasure, but it is the first step to it; dopamine produces desire in finding pleasure. Berridge calls this, “wanting.” The dopamine-depleted rats lacked motivation to live, even when it’s rational to believe that every living animal has desire to. It’s the same with exercise. Almost no one wants to go to the gym during the cold winter months, but everyone admits to feeling better after having exercised.
When our dopamine system is activated, learning and memory is remarkably enhanced, priming our senses to pay extra attention to details. In a more rudimentary sense, the awareness is heightened prior to approaching food or a potential sex partner. Dopamine is the hunt. After the wanting leads to a desired outcome, dopamine is out of the picture and another chemical comes to play. Opioids, the brain’s heroinlike chemicals, provide the pleasure of satisfaction, referred to as “liking.” Opioids are the kill.
In addiction, the two systems work together in producing these effects. The intricate play of chemicals is not a balanced one. Over time, tolerance to opioids is developed in the liking, thus escalating the want. Addicts find themselves delving deeper and deeper in a mad hunt to produce that pay off they first felt, only to get dashed expectations. “You find yourself passionately wanting an experience you no longer like, that you may genuinely dread.”
There are times when desire is scarcely fulfilled. The same can be applied to love. Like a bad relationship, this is called, “intermittent reinforcement.” Different from consistent reinforcement, it produces stronger desires. A girl might be stuck with a jerk, but on rare occasions jerk is nice to her. Based on those fleeting instances, she decides, after all those times she tried to break it off, to stay with him. You might be one of her friends that listen alongside her on those abrupt phone calls late at nights, crying, unable to imagine what she sees in him in the first place.
And then there are those who lack desire. Or lack dopamine like our rat friends. These individuals are not seeking for love, but if they happen to find it, they would welcome it like any other person. Real love, thankfully unlike that of other addictions, produces positive effects. In real dopamine-depleted individuals, they are clinically depressed. If addiction is the infuriating cycle of the greedy cortex, then mendokusai is the inert brain. The brain is like any other muscle in your body: you use it or lose it. Activities engage and create new neural connections and shorten synapses, whereas neglect shrink old ones.
Down to the bare bones, I don’t want to do anything. I want to do the least amount of work through life to achieve the state of content nothingness. My primitive cortex is very convincing when it tells me to stay inside, it’s a comfortable position where I’m at. But I know, that it will always tell me the same thing today, tomorrow, and twenty years later. We intrinsically want to be safe as human beings, but we also like getting that feel-good satisfaction of completing something we had our eyes set on that we weren’t aware of. The trick is making a conscious effort taming the primitive regions. Assuring ourselves that we’ll like what we don’t think we want; that we won’t like what we do feel ourselves wanting badly. Outside of my out-of-country-out-of-mind escapes during breaks, throughout the four years of school, I feel like my mind has atrophied in areas outside of pharmacy. Here is my humble attempt at writing again. It may not be pretty now, but it’s a start.